A Decade Plus

This Saturday marked the ELEVEN year anniversary of marriage between Beautiful Bald Husband and myself.  Eleven seems like such a big number! I asked BBH why it seemed so much longer than ten, and he said because it is like, "forever long."  He suggested we just start counting in "forevers" now.  This year we celebrated one "forever."  Next year, "two forevers."  You get the point.  I like it.

Eleven years does seem like a very long time, especially when it feels like we met just a little while ago.    On the other hand, when I consider all of the things that have happened, all of the things we have been through, accomplished, fought through, survived, flourished, and enjoyed, it doesn't seem nearly long enough.  

I met him when I was seventeen.  He was friends with my best friend's big brother.  I fell in love with him on the porch of their house.  Swooning over his mad hackey-sack skills, and lanky arms.  (The fact that he was a twenty-one year old "bad boy," whom I thought was so very worldly and experienced, didn't hurt at all!)

We dated for about two months before we were convinced we were going to be spending the rest of our lives together, and much to my parent's HORROR, I completely changed course, disobeyed their wishes utterly, and moved in with the older MAN who stole and corrupted their daughter.  

We played house in our first apartment rather well.  By that, I mean we had a steady diet of chee-toes, kool-aid, ramen, and if we managed to save enough money to spring on ground beef, hamburger helper.  We ate coco puffs until we nearly puked, and chain smoked.  We spent nearly every weekend knee deep in beer bottles and camel butts, and surrounded with friends who did the same.  It was a MIRACLE I made it through college without flunking out.  Somehow I managed to compartmentalize my rebellion and scrape A's in nearly every course.  

We were kids.  We were enjoying life, and each other... the best way we knew how.  We loved passionately and new.  Just as passionately as we loved one another, the same was felt when we fought.    But, we managed to make up, and love passionately again. Life continued this way for a couple years. 

Then, the world threw us a curveball. I started getting sick all the time.  I was spending at least once a week nearly bedridden, BBH would carry me to the bathtub some nights, because I couldn't make it there on my own.  The doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong with me, and I fought hard with him to leave.  I would scream at him that he deserved better! But, he stuck by me, refusing to go... no matter how hard I pushed.  When I got my rheumatoid arthritis diagnosis, I saw it as a death sentence, and a prison sentence for him.  He saw it as an answer, and a step in the direction of help and healing.  I  will never forget that, or ever be able to repay him for helping me turn the corner.  

I got on some treatments that helped put my life back together, and we got married.  

We moved in to our first house shortly after.  We had adopted two dogs and two cats at this point, and quickly filled up the rest of the space with two oscars, and two hermit crabs as well.  I was well on my way to graduation, and things were looking up.  We had friends over often, still making some questionable "adult" decisions, but enjoying life as best we could for being in our early twenties and in love.  

Then life came at us again.  We had been told many times by many people that if you marry young, you run the risk of growing apart as you grow up.  I think this was partly to blame.  We began to take each other for granted.  We began to be roommates with resentments instead of husband and wife... then the bottom dropped out.  A chasm in our world occurred.  WE made decisions that put our marriage, and our lives in jeopardy, and nearly lost it all.  And we lost sight of each other along the way.  

Then there was a choice to make.  Though, frankly, I am not sure if it was a choice at all.  Through the years, there had been so many arguments, fights, riffs, but they all got mended.  We were drawn to one another, no matter how hard we were pulled part, something kept us bound.  This time was no different.  Really, there was no choice to make.  It was meant to be.... he and I.  It was just a matter of how to put the pieces back together.  

But, with time, we did.  We learned how to love, to talk, to respect.  We learned how to share, to be vulnerable, to encourage, to support.  We learned how to put the other one first.  We learned what a MARRIAGE really is.  Not just the fantasy of a teenage girl, not the dramatic passionate huge highs and deep lows, but the everyday.  To this day, we have never forgotten those lessons.  I thank God for that. 

Then, our world changed once again. I was just about to finish college... a new chapter was already on the way, when we were blessed with the news that our little family was about to grow.  Larger Child entered our world. 

Everything we thought we knew about marriage was out the window.  A new role was given to us.  Not husband and wife, but Dad and Mom.  Though it was sometimes a tiny sliver of a tightrope, we somehow managed to balance both jobs, and our family was filled with warmth, love and support.  We placed the needs of that tiny pink thing that demanded so much of our attention and energy first, and if anything was left, we gave it to each other.  We made it work... better than I had ever imagined we would. 

And this was our life for the next five years.  We went on trips; camping, visits to family, California.  We bought a new house.  Our new house flooded, we lived in a hotel for two months, fixed the house and moved back in.  Larger Child started school. BBH changed jobs.  We put family first. Dinners around the table, holiday traditions, "flammy time," big birthday celebrations.  We lost a few of our furry family members along the way, and got a new one.  We made time for each other.  Even if it was just to sneak a kiss or two.  

Then life changed once again.  Smaller Child made his appearance. 

As our family grew, so did the love. It was like it was always meant to be just like this.  The four of us. Me and my boys.  It finally felt complete.  

And Saturday, as I thought back over the years... of us finding each other, falling in passionate love, sickness, marriage, learning what REAL love is, finding one another again, falling in love again, children, adulthood, family, finding God, getting to know Him, getting to know each other through Him... I realize it is not at all what I expected life to be like as the bright eyed 17 year old lusting after the 21 year old bad boy, it is SO MUCH MORE.  It is the life I never knew I wanted.  It is what, I believe, the purpose of all this is.  The purpose of life, as I see it, is to feel this kind of unquestionable, unshakable, ever-present love, and to GIVE that love in return.  It is family. It is heart. It is home. I found my home, my purpose in that hackey-sacking boy, and for ELEVEN years now, I have been given the opportunity to show him what that means to me, by offering the same in return.  

I love you Beautiful Bald Husband.  I love the family you have given me, the life that we share.  What a beautiful purpose. Thank you. Happy Anniversary.  I can't wait to see what the next "forevers" bring us!!