Monday, May 26, 2014
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
Raising a Rockstar
Once again today, I found myself mouth agape, eyes wide, in utter shock at something one of my children did. However, contrary to what you might think, and contrary to what happens most of the time to elicit that response from me, the moment of shock was quickly followed by complete joy, adoration and pride. Today, I watched my Larger Child perform in his school talent show.
Since probably mid September, LC had been talking about how he and his friends wanted to audition for the school talent show this year. They wanted to sing and dance... more specifically, they wanted to perform What Does the Fox Say (or as I think of it, the anthem for every single child this year between the ages of 6-10, OR the song that we all thought was hilarious the first five time we heard it, not necessarily the 105th time our children were singing it). When he first brought it up to me, I thought it was a cute idea, but I didn't really think much else. That is, until I found out nearly seven months later these kids were still focused on this goal and practicing at recess. I am not sure my LC has EVER had an interest in anything that long. So, I knew this was for real.
Audition day came. On the car ride home that day he wondered if they "made the cut." (Apparently elementary talent show judges panels are ruthless... who knew?!?!) The next day he found out that they did get a spot! This lead to the next three weeks practicing every recess and after school. These kids were focused, determined, and taking it very seriously.
I did my part shuttling back and forth to practice, I found the track, made a CD, I even made fox masks for them to perform in. (Thankfully, another parent took over the rest of the costumes, and oversaw the after school rehearsals.)
Then finally... Today was the day. Today was the parent's performance. I asked him this morning if he was nervous. He looked up at me, a little puzzled, and asked "About what?" I laughed, reminded him of the talent show, and he said, "Oh that? Naw, it's going to be fun!" All my worries, nerves, concerns, questions evaporated on the spot. I knew he was going to be great.
They were the opening act. So, after a brief intro from the emcees, LC's group filed on stage. He began the song in the background, humorously bobbing his head to the beat.... then, all of a sudden, when the chorus hit, he jumped to his mic, grabbed it with one hand and looked like a ROCKSTAR! He was ah-maze-ing!! I was totally floored!! In my head I thought, "OH MY GOSH! MY SON IS SUCH A BADASS!" I am just grateful I didn't say it out loud.
Seriously, I know I was a "performer" growing up. I did the dance recitals, I did the show choirs, but at eight years old I wouldn't have had that kind of confidence, charisma, or fearlessness. It was awesome. I just stood there, totally dumbstruck totally and profoundly full of pride for this child.
Yes, it was just a school talent show. Yes, it was just a silly song and dance with some friends, but to me it was an exhibition of self esteem. The display of a child who feels totally comfortable in his own skin, confident in his abilities, and unconcerned with the opinions of others. I have NO EARTHLY IDEA how he came to be that way, his father and I can ABSOLUTELY learn a thing or two from him... but regardless, there he was... being a badass. What a precious and stunning gift to witness. LC in all his Foxy glory.
Since probably mid September, LC had been talking about how he and his friends wanted to audition for the school talent show this year. They wanted to sing and dance... more specifically, they wanted to perform What Does the Fox Say (or as I think of it, the anthem for every single child this year between the ages of 6-10, OR the song that we all thought was hilarious the first five time we heard it, not necessarily the 105th time our children were singing it). When he first brought it up to me, I thought it was a cute idea, but I didn't really think much else. That is, until I found out nearly seven months later these kids were still focused on this goal and practicing at recess. I am not sure my LC has EVER had an interest in anything that long. So, I knew this was for real.
Audition day came. On the car ride home that day he wondered if they "made the cut." (Apparently elementary talent show judges panels are ruthless... who knew?!?!) The next day he found out that they did get a spot! This lead to the next three weeks practicing every recess and after school. These kids were focused, determined, and taking it very seriously.
I did my part shuttling back and forth to practice, I found the track, made a CD, I even made fox masks for them to perform in. (Thankfully, another parent took over the rest of the costumes, and oversaw the after school rehearsals.)
Then finally... Today was the day. Today was the parent's performance. I asked him this morning if he was nervous. He looked up at me, a little puzzled, and asked "About what?" I laughed, reminded him of the talent show, and he said, "Oh that? Naw, it's going to be fun!" All my worries, nerves, concerns, questions evaporated on the spot. I knew he was going to be great.
They were the opening act. So, after a brief intro from the emcees, LC's group filed on stage. He began the song in the background, humorously bobbing his head to the beat.... then, all of a sudden, when the chorus hit, he jumped to his mic, grabbed it with one hand and looked like a ROCKSTAR! He was ah-maze-ing!! I was totally floored!! In my head I thought, "OH MY GOSH! MY SON IS SUCH A BADASS!" I am just grateful I didn't say it out loud.
Seriously, I know I was a "performer" growing up. I did the dance recitals, I did the show choirs, but at eight years old I wouldn't have had that kind of confidence, charisma, or fearlessness. It was awesome. I just stood there, totally dumbstruck totally and profoundly full of pride for this child.
Yes, it was just a school talent show. Yes, it was just a silly song and dance with some friends, but to me it was an exhibition of self esteem. The display of a child who feels totally comfortable in his own skin, confident in his abilities, and unconcerned with the opinions of others. I have NO EARTHLY IDEA how he came to be that way, his father and I can ABSOLUTELY learn a thing or two from him... but regardless, there he was... being a badass. What a precious and stunning gift to witness. LC in all his Foxy glory.
Thursday, May 15, 2014
11 (and a half) Things I Learned at the Zoo Today
Some things I learned on my Zoo Date with Smaller Child:
1. Don't tell SC we are going to the Zoo until the moment we walk out the door. I had to retrieve him from the garage twice.
2. Avoid the Zoo during the week near the end of May. I forgot about class field trips...
3. Smaller Child is terrified of grizzly bears. I am not sure what that is all about, maybe just an instinctual "that's bigger than me, and can eat me" feeling... I took this picture with him screaming in the background. We left the moment after.
4. SC loves bats. He could have stayed in the nocturnal animal barn the whole day.
5. According to SC, "Dis is a TURTLE not a WOCK!" Thanks for the clarification... but it's actually a tortoise, duh!
6. Everything with black spots is a cow. Everything. And don't you DARE correct him.
7. Little boys get stage fright when Mama has to hold them to reach the potty to pee.
8. You cannot visit the gorillas when you are eating lunch, because "Dey will steal my peanut butter sanwish!"
9. That "hairpane" is MUCH more interesting and exciting than the free roaming albino peacock right next to it.
10. SC is not a fan of the selfie.
11. But, SC IS a fan of playing in water.
11.5 So are lorikeets.
1. Don't tell SC we are going to the Zoo until the moment we walk out the door. I had to retrieve him from the garage twice.
2. Avoid the Zoo during the week near the end of May. I forgot about class field trips...
3. Smaller Child is terrified of grizzly bears. I am not sure what that is all about, maybe just an instinctual "that's bigger than me, and can eat me" feeling... I took this picture with him screaming in the background. We left the moment after.
4. SC loves bats. He could have stayed in the nocturnal animal barn the whole day.
5. According to SC, "Dis is a TURTLE not a WOCK!" Thanks for the clarification... but it's actually a tortoise, duh!
6. Everything with black spots is a cow. Everything. And don't you DARE correct him.
7. Little boys get stage fright when Mama has to hold them to reach the potty to pee.
8. You cannot visit the gorillas when you are eating lunch, because "Dey will steal my peanut butter sanwish!"
9. That "hairpane" is MUCH more interesting and exciting than the free roaming albino peacock right next to it.
10. SC is not a fan of the selfie.
11. But, SC IS a fan of playing in water.
11.5 So are lorikeets.
Monday, May 12, 2014
Nine Years of Motherhood
I have been writing in a journal for my boys since I was three months pregnant with Larger Child. The first entry was May 8, 2005, on Mother's Day. I have continued to write an entry every Mother's Day, and on their birthdays each year.
My goal of this journal was to give my boys a window in to who their mama really is. I am honest... sometimes maybe too honest... about what is happening in our lives and what is happening in my heart and in my head. Though the goal was a glimpse in to me, the majority of the time the entries read more like a love letter... which in truth, is what it is.
I thought, for Mother's Day this year, I would share with you my entry. I think it is real, I think it is honest, and I think it is an expression of love from one mama to her incredible little men.
May 12, 2014
Yesterday was Mother's Day. My NINETH one to celebrate. Nearly a decade of mother-hood under my belt, and I don't feel any more prepared/knowledgeable/capable than the first.
I am in a strange place right now. I feel like I am crabby most of the time with you, and not giving either one of you the attention/kindness/nurturing you deserve or need. I have been really critical of you (and perhaps myself??) and often times disinterested. And frankly, there are times that I just hate myself for that.
I am noticing how much time, energy, and attention I place on rules. behavior, chores etc. and how little time I spend actually ENJOYING you two and having fun. I know I will regret this, I already do. Hopefully recognizing the defect will help me take the steps to correct it.
It seems like though, despite me, you two are growing to be charming, confident, intelligent little men! It is pretty amazing to see.
Jacob, you are about to finish second grade. You seem to have grown and matured this year more than I care to admit. Your confidence and personality are infectious, and your popularity amongst your classmates just proves that!
Elijah, you are one tough cookie! All boy, through and through. You have the BEST sense of humor, and are so full of life and energy. You cannot help but charm anyone you come in contact with!
I admire you both so much for your ability to be SO outgoing! I hope and pray that nothing changes that for you. Though, life has a way of trying to take those assets we have as children away from us. I only pray that your dad and I have shown you enough love and safety in your lives that you will always know you can be YOU no matter what.
Thank you both for being my reasons to continue to grow. By your very existence, you challenge me to define my values, learn who I do and who I don't want to be, and continue to strive for better for you, for me, and for our family.
What a gift you are!
I am not perfect, far from it... and you love me anyway.
I make mistakes, and tell you that... and you forgive.
I hope beyond hope that I have and will continue to keep showing you that same unconditional love you have selflessly showered upon me for nearly a decade.
I love you soooo much!
-Mom
My goal of this journal was to give my boys a window in to who their mama really is. I am honest... sometimes maybe too honest... about what is happening in our lives and what is happening in my heart and in my head. Though the goal was a glimpse in to me, the majority of the time the entries read more like a love letter... which in truth, is what it is.
I thought, for Mother's Day this year, I would share with you my entry. I think it is real, I think it is honest, and I think it is an expression of love from one mama to her incredible little men.
May 12, 2014
Yesterday was Mother's Day. My NINETH one to celebrate. Nearly a decade of mother-hood under my belt, and I don't feel any more prepared/knowledgeable/capable than the first.
I am in a strange place right now. I feel like I am crabby most of the time with you, and not giving either one of you the attention/kindness/nurturing you deserve or need. I have been really critical of you (and perhaps myself??) and often times disinterested. And frankly, there are times that I just hate myself for that.
I am noticing how much time, energy, and attention I place on rules. behavior, chores etc. and how little time I spend actually ENJOYING you two and having fun. I know I will regret this, I already do. Hopefully recognizing the defect will help me take the steps to correct it.
It seems like though, despite me, you two are growing to be charming, confident, intelligent little men! It is pretty amazing to see.
Jacob, you are about to finish second grade. You seem to have grown and matured this year more than I care to admit. Your confidence and personality are infectious, and your popularity amongst your classmates just proves that!
Elijah, you are one tough cookie! All boy, through and through. You have the BEST sense of humor, and are so full of life and energy. You cannot help but charm anyone you come in contact with!
I admire you both so much for your ability to be SO outgoing! I hope and pray that nothing changes that for you. Though, life has a way of trying to take those assets we have as children away from us. I only pray that your dad and I have shown you enough love and safety in your lives that you will always know you can be YOU no matter what.
Thank you both for being my reasons to continue to grow. By your very existence, you challenge me to define my values, learn who I do and who I don't want to be, and continue to strive for better for you, for me, and for our family.
What a gift you are!
I am not perfect, far from it... and you love me anyway.
I make mistakes, and tell you that... and you forgive.
I hope beyond hope that I have and will continue to keep showing you that same unconditional love you have selflessly showered upon me for nearly a decade.
I love you soooo much!
-Mom
Sunday, April 13, 2014
An Opossum Eulogy
Oh marvelous marsupial!
Why choose this night?
Where were you skittering,
Too important to pause?
Why choose this night?
Where were you skittering,
Too important to pause?
Oh you white beast of the night!
You survive a snake bite,
Limited food source.
Prey and predator.
Nuisance and nuance.
But not the cold hard blow of the tire.
You survive a snake bite,
Limited food source.
Prey and predator.
Nuisance and nuance.
But not the cold hard blow of the tire.
Now you leave us,
To perpetually act your death play.
Center stage, the road.
Your antagonist, my wheel.
To perpetually act your death play.
Center stage, the road.
Your antagonist, my wheel.
God speed, tiny eyes.
Beads that will twinkle and glow no more.
Farewell fang'ed friend.
No hiss goodbye, your last sound,
Bu-bump.
Beads that will twinkle and glow no more.
Farewell fang'ed friend.
No hiss goodbye, your last sound,
Bu-bump.
 |
| In Memoriam |
Sunday, March 30, 2014
Finding a Moment
Yesterday Larger Child and my Beautiful (not so bald anymore) Husband spent the day out visiting their very first circus. (I, unfortunately, suffer from a touch of coulrophobia, so I opted to stay home with Smaller Child. Thank you B(nsbn)H for taking him!!)
So, with two of my fellas out for the day, Smaller Child and I decided to not waste the beautiful early spring weather, and we spent the day outside.
First, we went a-slidin'!
Then, after I convinced the "angry troll" in the "house" to let me in, we played inside.
After he "left for work", he quickly returned to get me. I HAD to see the "purple flowers on the tree!" (the redbud is budding)
The two year old attention span is similar to that of a goldfish memory... about two seconds. So, the amazement over the pretty purple flowers didn't last long. Then we were on to the trampoline.
We got off the trampoline to play with our trucks. Then suddenly, he stopped, pointed up, and said "Mom!!! Look! Look up there!!" I expected to see an airplane or something. So, when I looked and looked and didn't see anything, I asked him what it was. He said, "The CLOUDS Mom!"
The sweet moment lasted a nano second before he was off to be a brave knight, chop down trees, chase after "Ya-ya" (the dog) and pick "green flowers" (the henbit in the flower beds).
I have learned that moments are so very fleeting with little ones. Tender moments are few and far between with a rambunctious little boy like him. He'd much prefer to throw rocks and dig in the dirt than to cuddle with Mama most of the time, but that's okay. I still try to find the moments, and I have been known to throw a mean rock or two myself... and I can make one heck of a mudpie. I'm just sayin.
So, with two of my fellas out for the day, Smaller Child and I decided to not waste the beautiful early spring weather, and we spent the day outside.
First, we went a-slidin'!
 |
| climb up |
 |
| hang on! |
 |
| let go! |
.jpg) |
| weee! |
 |
| made it. |
 |
| "Welcome to the house!" |
 |
"I'm draaaw-ing!" |
 |
| "Going to work! (kisses)" |
 |
| then he gave me an acorn hat. |
The two year old attention span is similar to that of a goldfish memory... about two seconds. So, the amazement over the pretty purple flowers didn't last long. Then we were on to the trampoline.
 |
| he's quite the jumper these days! |
 |
| but it didn't take long for a belly ache to stop the action. |
 |
| aaaaaaahhll better! |
 |
| the clouds, indeed darling. |
 |
| that's the "knight face" |
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
Farewell February and a Blogworthy Month of March
It has been over a month since I posted. I think it might be a new record for me. I realized this when my hubs sweetly asked if I had been posting lately, because he hadn't been receiving notifications. (If you didn't know, you can "subscribe" to my posts by entering your email address in the space to top the right and you will get an email notification when I post something new. And I KNOW you are anxiously awaiting every day wondering WHEN OH WHEN will I post again. Now, you will be sure not to miss an exciting episode. Ha!)
So, I started thinking back over the last month and a half... wondering why it is that I haven't posted. Then I realized up until the last couple weeks, there really hasn't been anything "blogworthy." In fact, things were a little rough for a bit. But, then again, maybe that IS "blogworthy" too. Sometimes I have to remind myself that life is not all ups. Sometimes the downs can be just as important.
Because of adjustments in medications, the last month has been rough. But, I am leveling out again, and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am back to my exercise routine, spent an entire week toursting (yes, that's a word... because I just used it) in Texas and on my feet a LOT. I am managing well. My body never ceases to frustrate, challenge, then amaze me, and I am going to say that is a gift, not a defect. Sometimes it truly is mind over matter. Sometimes the muck and mire of depression or set backs can be more painful than the disease, and it is a matter of "kicking out the door," as a good friend of mine would say, and getting out of the cycle. I believe that is exactly what I did, with the help of a LOT of prayer, support, and love.
This "challenging gift" took up most of the month of February. Grey, cold, February. Frankly, I could do without that month all together anyway (with the exception, perhaps, of my Daddy's bday). But March.... March is fabulous. March is when things start changing. You get your first glimpses of warmth, things start budding, sky turns blue again, the word begins its slow and beautiful wake-up.
Larger Child, Smaller Child and I started the month by taking advantage of the first warm day of the month, and heading out to the zoo. It was a lovely day. We spent over five blissful, fight free, well behaved, sunshiney (also a word), animal filled hours together.
The next week was Spring Break, and we spent it the same way we have spent every spring break since LC started school, with a visit to GeeGee and Grandpa's house. It was a fabulous week that started with a road trip pit stop at a "roadside zoo" called GW Exotic Animal Park. I had heard many great things about this place from friends who had been there, and I thought it would be fun to experience the "up close interaction" they claim. I have to say, I am still processing my feelings about this place. While it was certainly a once in a lifetime experience to be that close to those animals, it left me with some strong feelings of sadness, fear, and frustration that I just couldn't shake. The conditions of many of the large breeds they hold there are less than appropriate. Small cages that contain several tigers, concrete walls holding in huge grizzly bears that are so cramped they cannot even stand, broken down chimpanzees begging visitors for peanuts, and don't even get me started on the staff...
Larger Child seemed none the wiser, his curiosity and admiration for the animals trumped the conditions they were in. He loved getting to be so close, and seeing these wild animals so personally. We took a guided tour (where cellphones, cameras, and video equipment were expressly forbidden), that ended with each guest being able to hold, pet, and interact with snakes, baby wolves, baby black bears, white tiger cub, and a albino skunk. I was just like the rest of the guests, totally caught up in the amazement of what we were experiencing. It wasn't until after that I began to feel totally ill-at ease with the entire experience. Regretfully, afterwards means that I had already paid our admission, souvenir costs, and time spent... I would suggest to anyone considering paying a visit to this place to do their research FIRST. There was nothing worse to this animal lover than to realize only too late that I financially supported a place that in all respects should NOT be in business or exist on any level. I plan on doubling the money I spent to send as a donation to the ASPCA just as a small token of amendment.
I tried to delicately explain this all to LC when he begged to go back, I think he gets it... sort of. But, we did "get" (paid the zoo's photographer for) some cute pics. (Sigh.)
After I shook of my crushing sense of guilt and betrayal, I was able to enjoy our time with my parents. My kids love their grandparents, and rightfully so... they are fantastic! We really had a fun fun fun week. We went to the World Aquarium, (a place that should be on ANYONE'S bucket list! I am telling you, I have been there at least 10 times and I would go 100 more!)
Mom and I ditched the kids with Grandpa, and we went shopping one day too. It was really great to spend some one on one time with her and go shopping without the kids in tow. Dad had a ball with the kids too, I think. They spent the day at the park, and wore each other out!
We went to the Dallas Arboretum on the official first day of Spring. I am not sure there is a better way to celebrate. It is gorgeous there. So much beauty! And the kids got to check out the new Children's Garden. which is expansive, hands on, and thoroughly entertaining.
Lovely week, lovely weather, lovelier company. Couldn't have asked for more. I left exhausted, happy as a clam, and ready to be home... I think we all were.
So, that's been the month in a nutshell. There have been a few downs, but some really great ups. I am looking forward to the warmth of spring, gardening, being outside, and enjoying my boys... and more blogworthy moments to come!
So, I started thinking back over the last month and a half... wondering why it is that I haven't posted. Then I realized up until the last couple weeks, there really hasn't been anything "blogworthy." In fact, things were a little rough for a bit. But, then again, maybe that IS "blogworthy" too. Sometimes I have to remind myself that life is not all ups. Sometimes the downs can be just as important.
Because of adjustments in medications, the last month has been rough. But, I am leveling out again, and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am back to my exercise routine, spent an entire week toursting (yes, that's a word... because I just used it) in Texas and on my feet a LOT. I am managing well. My body never ceases to frustrate, challenge, then amaze me, and I am going to say that is a gift, not a defect. Sometimes it truly is mind over matter. Sometimes the muck and mire of depression or set backs can be more painful than the disease, and it is a matter of "kicking out the door," as a good friend of mine would say, and getting out of the cycle. I believe that is exactly what I did, with the help of a LOT of prayer, support, and love.
This "challenging gift" took up most of the month of February. Grey, cold, February. Frankly, I could do without that month all together anyway (with the exception, perhaps, of my Daddy's bday). But March.... March is fabulous. March is when things start changing. You get your first glimpses of warmth, things start budding, sky turns blue again, the word begins its slow and beautiful wake-up.
Larger Child, Smaller Child and I started the month by taking advantage of the first warm day of the month, and heading out to the zoo. It was a lovely day. We spent over five blissful, fight free, well behaved, sunshiney (also a word), animal filled hours together.
The next week was Spring Break, and we spent it the same way we have spent every spring break since LC started school, with a visit to GeeGee and Grandpa's house. It was a fabulous week that started with a road trip pit stop at a "roadside zoo" called GW Exotic Animal Park. I had heard many great things about this place from friends who had been there, and I thought it would be fun to experience the "up close interaction" they claim. I have to say, I am still processing my feelings about this place. While it was certainly a once in a lifetime experience to be that close to those animals, it left me with some strong feelings of sadness, fear, and frustration that I just couldn't shake. The conditions of many of the large breeds they hold there are less than appropriate. Small cages that contain several tigers, concrete walls holding in huge grizzly bears that are so cramped they cannot even stand, broken down chimpanzees begging visitors for peanuts, and don't even get me started on the staff...
Larger Child seemed none the wiser, his curiosity and admiration for the animals trumped the conditions they were in. He loved getting to be so close, and seeing these wild animals so personally. We took a guided tour (where cellphones, cameras, and video equipment were expressly forbidden), that ended with each guest being able to hold, pet, and interact with snakes, baby wolves, baby black bears, white tiger cub, and a albino skunk. I was just like the rest of the guests, totally caught up in the amazement of what we were experiencing. It wasn't until after that I began to feel totally ill-at ease with the entire experience. Regretfully, afterwards means that I had already paid our admission, souvenir costs, and time spent... I would suggest to anyone considering paying a visit to this place to do their research FIRST. There was nothing worse to this animal lover than to realize only too late that I financially supported a place that in all respects should NOT be in business or exist on any level. I plan on doubling the money I spent to send as a donation to the ASPCA just as a small token of amendment.
I tried to delicately explain this all to LC when he begged to go back, I think he gets it... sort of. But, we did "get" (paid the zoo's photographer for) some cute pics. (Sigh.)
After I shook of my crushing sense of guilt and betrayal, I was able to enjoy our time with my parents. My kids love their grandparents, and rightfully so... they are fantastic! We really had a fun fun fun week. We went to the World Aquarium, (a place that should be on ANYONE'S bucket list! I am telling you, I have been there at least 10 times and I would go 100 more!)
Mom and I ditched the kids with Grandpa, and we went shopping one day too. It was really great to spend some one on one time with her and go shopping without the kids in tow. Dad had a ball with the kids too, I think. They spent the day at the park, and wore each other out!
We went to the Dallas Arboretum on the official first day of Spring. I am not sure there is a better way to celebrate. It is gorgeous there. So much beauty! And the kids got to check out the new Children's Garden. which is expansive, hands on, and thoroughly entertaining.
Lovely week, lovely weather, lovelier company. Couldn't have asked for more. I left exhausted, happy as a clam, and ready to be home... I think we all were.
So, that's been the month in a nutshell. There have been a few downs, but some really great ups. I am looking forward to the warmth of spring, gardening, being outside, and enjoying my boys... and more blogworthy moments to come!
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