I would really like to find a way to express my emotions today... I am totally at a loss. I can say that it was the hardest thing in the world to drop my son off at school this morning. I wept in the car as I drove away, then I was filled with enormous amount of gratitude that I have a child to drop off.
Since yesterday afternoon, I have wanted nothing more than to hold my children. Just keep them next to me, arms wrapped tightly around them, not letting them go. I cannot help but think of the mothers who desperately want to do the same, and can't. Saying that my heart breaks for them is such an understatement.
It was all I could do to go to bed last night. I considered sleeping on the floor of my children's rooms. I considered piling them both in bed with us. It is such a frightening and helpless feeling. I don't want to let them out of my sight. I don't want a second to pass without my hand stroking their face, running my fingers through their hair, holding their hands... hearing me say I love them.
I wish I had a way to wrap this up in some beautiful life lesson. Some neat little bow of encouragement, strength, faith and beauty. But, I just can't. I am feeling overwhelmingly sad today.
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Grandpa
My Grandpa passed away Sunday morning.
I received a birthday card from him in the mail Monday afternoon. It was one of those cards that plays music when you open it. This one played, "I'm Walking on Sunshine." My beautiful Larger Child smiled when he heard it, then he turned to me and said, "Mama! He really is walking on sunshine now!"
I love you Grandpa. Thank you for the Birthday Wishes. I hope you are having fun walking on sunshine!
I received a birthday card from him in the mail Monday afternoon. It was one of those cards that plays music when you open it. This one played, "I'm Walking on Sunshine." My beautiful Larger Child smiled when he heard it, then he turned to me and said, "Mama! He really is walking on sunshine now!"
I love you Grandpa. Thank you for the Birthday Wishes. I hope you are having fun walking on sunshine!
Sunday, May 12, 2013
More Like a Fun-K!
I did a pretty awesome thing yesterday.
I have been trying to think of a way to talk about this without being all sappy and ooey gooey... but I am afraid that just might happen anyway. So, you're just going to have to hang in there. If you do, I promise to give you some pretty great pics at the end.
So, most of you know, okay probably any of you who care enough about me to be reading this know me well enough to know this by now, I have Rheumatoid Arthritis. Though my doctor may disagree, I would say I am in medically induced remission right now. Meaning, most of the time, my symptoms are under control because of the medical therapies that I am currently undergoing. This has not always been the case. Less than two years ago, I was on a cane. Less than two years ago, I couldn't walk across the house. My husband pushed me in a wheelchair around the zoo.
Yesterday I participated in my first 5k.
(I am already crying trying to type this... give me a second...)
I never thought anything like that was in the cards for me. I never thought my body would be able to do something like that. The last time I was healthy enough to "exercise," I could barely walk a half mile, and it took me nearly a half an hour to do so. Anytime anyone would ask me to participate in any type of strenuous physical activity, I would make up an excuse, or frankly tell them I can't physically do that. I believed it. Perhaps, at the time there was truth to it.
But, this disease, and the people I have met because of it, soon taught me to never take for granted the "good days." Never assume anything. Always live in the present... and most importantly NEVER sell yourself short. I have a friend who I met in a RA support group who is a MARATHON runner. She has the most incredible spirit of anyone I have ever met. I learn from her what it means to be someone LIVING DESPITE RA.... not just living with the disease. I have another friend, who just ran his first marathon. I watched him train and push and grow. I have a husband, a pillar of strength and inspiration who showed me how something as simple as putting one foot in front of the other can change your whole life. These people do it for the joy of it. Not for times, or places, or medals... THESE PEOPLE were the ones who helped me up, kept me going, and got me back to the person that God intended me to be. Not someone who is beaten by the disease, but someone who is beating it.
Okay, enough of that... back to the story at hand... the 5k.
I had been "training" for a couple of weeks. Running intervals (2min run/2min walk) at least three times a week for about a month now. I would run at least 3 miles, and had got my average pace to about 13min. miles (42 min 5k). Not too shabby for a gimp pushing a 30lb baby in a wonky wheeled stroller. I was feeling pretty good, and pretty sure I could run the 5k no problem.
Blah blah blah... that's the specifics, the details I told my fellow RA Athletes I would put in.
My BBH and I signed up for the race with another couple friends of ours. The ones I wrote about in a previous blog when I watched Corey run his first marathon. They are OUTSTANDING people, and I was super stoked to be doing this with them! My friend Gena was also wanting to run, but the spots were full before she could sign up... so I sort of volunteered her to come watch my kids and cheer us on. She didn't even hesitate to say yes. She's just like that. AMAZING. I seriously doubt there is a better support group on the planet! These people get me... they understand my goals and values, and do what they can to encourage and support with love. It is about fun! It is about living! It is about life!! And they are right there with me!
This was before the race...
This was a Color Run. A 5k with various "color stops" where you get pelted with some weird cornstarch food coloring concoction. The idea is to go in looking like a bride to be, and exit looking like a burnt out hippy leaving Woodstock. (I think we accomplished our goal.) The race isn't timed... which I was incredibly grateful for. I wanted to just go and have fun, and that is exactly what we did. There were THOUSAND of participants, and they were all as like minded as us. Out there having a good time, walking, pushing strollers, dancing, skipping, general tom-foolery. Quite the spectacle.
Gena and the boys had some fun too along the course! (They ADORE her... and I can totally understand why.)
And then of course, the AFTER pics... It looks like a rainbow unicorn exploded all over us, and in a way, it did.
Like I said, AWESOME. I cannot wait to sign up for my next one.
I have been trying to think of a way to talk about this without being all sappy and ooey gooey... but I am afraid that just might happen anyway. So, you're just going to have to hang in there. If you do, I promise to give you some pretty great pics at the end.
So, most of you know, okay probably any of you who care enough about me to be reading this know me well enough to know this by now, I have Rheumatoid Arthritis. Though my doctor may disagree, I would say I am in medically induced remission right now. Meaning, most of the time, my symptoms are under control because of the medical therapies that I am currently undergoing. This has not always been the case. Less than two years ago, I was on a cane. Less than two years ago, I couldn't walk across the house. My husband pushed me in a wheelchair around the zoo.
Yesterday I participated in my first 5k.
(I am already crying trying to type this... give me a second...)
I never thought anything like that was in the cards for me. I never thought my body would be able to do something like that. The last time I was healthy enough to "exercise," I could barely walk a half mile, and it took me nearly a half an hour to do so. Anytime anyone would ask me to participate in any type of strenuous physical activity, I would make up an excuse, or frankly tell them I can't physically do that. I believed it. Perhaps, at the time there was truth to it.
But, this disease, and the people I have met because of it, soon taught me to never take for granted the "good days." Never assume anything. Always live in the present... and most importantly NEVER sell yourself short. I have a friend who I met in a RA support group who is a MARATHON runner. She has the most incredible spirit of anyone I have ever met. I learn from her what it means to be someone LIVING DESPITE RA.... not just living with the disease. I have another friend, who just ran his first marathon. I watched him train and push and grow. I have a husband, a pillar of strength and inspiration who showed me how something as simple as putting one foot in front of the other can change your whole life. These people do it for the joy of it. Not for times, or places, or medals... THESE PEOPLE were the ones who helped me up, kept me going, and got me back to the person that God intended me to be. Not someone who is beaten by the disease, but someone who is beating it.
Okay, enough of that... back to the story at hand... the 5k.
I had been "training" for a couple of weeks. Running intervals (2min run/2min walk) at least three times a week for about a month now. I would run at least 3 miles, and had got my average pace to about 13min. miles (42 min 5k). Not too shabby for a gimp pushing a 30lb baby in a wonky wheeled stroller. I was feeling pretty good, and pretty sure I could run the 5k no problem.
Blah blah blah... that's the specifics, the details I told my fellow RA Athletes I would put in.
My BBH and I signed up for the race with another couple friends of ours. The ones I wrote about in a previous blog when I watched Corey run his first marathon. They are OUTSTANDING people, and I was super stoked to be doing this with them! My friend Gena was also wanting to run, but the spots were full before she could sign up... so I sort of volunteered her to come watch my kids and cheer us on. She didn't even hesitate to say yes. She's just like that. AMAZING. I seriously doubt there is a better support group on the planet! These people get me... they understand my goals and values, and do what they can to encourage and support with love. It is about fun! It is about living! It is about life!! And they are right there with me!
This was before the race...
 |
| My first for reals bib! |
This was a Color Run. A 5k with various "color stops" where you get pelted with some weird cornstarch food coloring concoction. The idea is to go in looking like a bride to be, and exit looking like a burnt out hippy leaving Woodstock. (I think we accomplished our goal.) The race isn't timed... which I was incredibly grateful for. I wanted to just go and have fun, and that is exactly what we did. There were THOUSAND of participants, and they were all as like minded as us. Out there having a good time, walking, pushing strollers, dancing, skipping, general tom-foolery. Quite the spectacle.
 |
| This was close to the beginning, and action shot... all of us running together. LOVE IT! |
 |
| This was about half way through. We had to stop by our favorite spectators for a photo op! |
Gena and the boys had some fun too along the course! (They ADORE her... and I can totally understand why.)
And then of course, the AFTER pics... It looks like a rainbow unicorn exploded all over us, and in a way, it did.
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
A Little Crafty: The Quiet Book
I have always loved quiet books, but I have never been very good at sewing. (Sorry Grandma.) So, I decided to try and make a quiet book for my Smaller Child out of paper. This has been something I worked on about a year ago, then put away for some time, convincing myself he was too young for it, and he would just tear it up. Today, I pulled it out again, made a few adjustments, and finally finished the Quiet Book one year in the making.
Here's what I used:
Scrapbook paper
Cardstock
Mono Adhesive
Markers
Scissors
Self Laminating Sheets
Velcro circles
and a few brads and buttons
then voila!
Here's how it turned out:
Page One: Title Page... made it personal (with a little note from Mama.)
Page Two: Letters to spell his first and middle name.
Page Three: Building a Birthday Cake
Page Four: Counting and Numbers
Page Five: Get the Little Girl and Boy Dressed
Page Six: Picking "Apples"
Page Seven: Build and Ice Cream Cone
Page Eight: Finish the Kite Pattern
Page Nine: Mail the Letters (This one's my favorite!) Note that the mailbox flag raises too!
Page Ten: Telling Time
Page Eleven: Match the Socks (a good skill to learn!)
And Page Twelve: Tic Tac Toe!
I hope he has as much fun with it as I did making it!! (Maybe I should wait another year before giving it to him?!)
Bye Bye Birdies!
Here's what I used:
Scrapbook paper
Cardstock
Mono Adhesive
Markers
Scissors
Self Laminating Sheets
Velcro circles
and a few brads and buttons
then voila!
Here's how it turned out:
Page One: Title Page... made it personal (with a little note from Mama.)
Page Two: Letters to spell his first and middle name.
Page Three: Building a Birthday Cake
Page Four: Counting and Numbers
Page Five: Get the Little Girl and Boy Dressed
Page Six: Picking "Apples"
Page Seven: Build and Ice Cream Cone
Page Nine: Mail the Letters (This one's my favorite!) Note that the mailbox flag raises too!
Page Ten: Telling Time
Page Eleven: Match the Socks (a good skill to learn!)
And Page Twelve: Tic Tac Toe!
I hope he has as much fun with it as I did making it!! (Maybe I should wait another year before giving it to him?!)
Bye Bye Birdies!
Thursday, May 2, 2013
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
A Marathoner
This past weekend, the McQueen's had the privilege to spectate the OKC Memorial Marathon for the second year. This year was a little different than the last, none of us were participating in the run, but our hearts were right there on the course with the runners... one in particular.
Over the past months, Beautiful Bald Husband had been training with a good friend of his, Corey. He and his wife, Allison, are two of the raddest people on the planet, and one of the most fantastic couples we have met. We are totally blessed to have them in our lives. So, when the time came for Mr. Eubanks to complete his very first marathon, we had to be there to see it!
If you have never spectated a race, it is important to express to you just how interactive it can be. Spectating itself, if you do it right, can be damn near a sport too! It also has some pretty incredible paybacks, and instant gratification. When you cheer on the runners, even if they don't know you from Adam, you can see it change them right there on the spot. Agony can turn in to smiles, walkers get a second wind, those so focused on time and distance get a distraction and remember to have fun... and we get to see it! You can watch their face, gait, speed, posture change! It is AWESOME. And those runners that you DO know, sometimes you get sweaty hugs and kisses, awesome high fives, and maybe even a tear or two... (but I'll never tell). If you have spectated a race, GOOD FOR YOU!! You know first hand how transformative it is.
It was absolutely gorgeous weather that day, warm but not hot, no wind. The course was packed, and the energy was buzzing. You can't help but get caught up in it. Our kids have come with me several times to races, and even though we are schlepping them around in and out of cars, only to stand on the street for what in kid time feels like HOURS, they seem to really enjoy themselves. Larger Child is an incredible spectator and cheerleader. He counted that he gave out over 800 high fives on the course. When we talked about it, I said, "Bud, that is over EIGHT HUNDRED smiles you gave out today. EIGHT HUNDRED hearts lifted!! That's incredible." From the look on his face, you could tell he understood.
I thoroughly enjoyed my time this year. It was so fun to watch Allison go through all the same emotions I went through last year watching her husband complete a feat that not many can say they have done. It is a testament to their love to see how they connected at every stop, her heart swelling a little more at each mile. That kind of pride cannot be explained. Watching your soul mate break down his body and push harder than he ever has before, mustering up every ounce of fortitude to finish though ever fiber wants to quit. Then seeing them succeed!! It is amazing. It was just awesome to be on this side watching their journey.
I've got to say, something struck me this race that changed something in me as well. It is something BBH and I were discussing on the way home. How life affirming it is to watch marathoners. It is just a perfect example of people pushing beyond what anyone ever said they could or should do, pushing beyond what they ever thought they were capable of. It is the ones in the back of the pack... the ones not worried about a time, or qualifying or placing... those guys they are the heart of the sport. They are the ones that make you want to get on the course yourself. They are the ones that make you want to be better. The "elite" runners are impressive, don't get me wrong, but they are doing what's expected of them. "Elite" runners run fast, so when you see them doing that, you say, "Well, yeah, they're elite runners." But the eighty year old woman running, or the over weight couple holding hands, the middle aged house wives, THEY are what it's about.
They are the ones that are defying what their roles are. They are the ones that are saying I CAN DO THIS. Their work, sweat, tears are what gives me the chills at the finish line. They are the ones that keep me running my little 3-4 miles, pushing, trying... inspired. The ones that sometimes refuse to call themselves "runners," much less marathoners. But, I can tell you this, I saw you guys, every single one of you that I clamped eyes on challenged my heart a little more that day. Every single one of you proved to me that the human spirit is one of the strongest things on the planet. It doesn't matter what you weigh, how old you are, what you do, if you have RA... any one of us when we get on the course can call ourselves "runners." And you all were sure that.... and also my heroes.
So, Mr. Eubanks, this post is for you... thank you for challenging my heart a little more on Sunday. Proving to me the strength we all possess. Watching you complete your first marathon was exactly the push I needed to call myself a runner too. Congrats to you! You are a marathoner!!
Over the past months, Beautiful Bald Husband had been training with a good friend of his, Corey. He and his wife, Allison, are two of the raddest people on the planet, and one of the most fantastic couples we have met. We are totally blessed to have them in our lives. So, when the time came for Mr. Eubanks to complete his very first marathon, we had to be there to see it!
If you have never spectated a race, it is important to express to you just how interactive it can be. Spectating itself, if you do it right, can be damn near a sport too! It also has some pretty incredible paybacks, and instant gratification. When you cheer on the runners, even if they don't know you from Adam, you can see it change them right there on the spot. Agony can turn in to smiles, walkers get a second wind, those so focused on time and distance get a distraction and remember to have fun... and we get to see it! You can watch their face, gait, speed, posture change! It is AWESOME. And those runners that you DO know, sometimes you get sweaty hugs and kisses, awesome high fives, and maybe even a tear or two... (but I'll never tell). If you have spectated a race, GOOD FOR YOU!! You know first hand how transformative it is.
It was absolutely gorgeous weather that day, warm but not hot, no wind. The course was packed, and the energy was buzzing. You can't help but get caught up in it. Our kids have come with me several times to races, and even though we are schlepping them around in and out of cars, only to stand on the street for what in kid time feels like HOURS, they seem to really enjoy themselves. Larger Child is an incredible spectator and cheerleader. He counted that he gave out over 800 high fives on the course. When we talked about it, I said, "Bud, that is over EIGHT HUNDRED smiles you gave out today. EIGHT HUNDRED hearts lifted!! That's incredible." From the look on his face, you could tell he understood.
I thoroughly enjoyed my time this year. It was so fun to watch Allison go through all the same emotions I went through last year watching her husband complete a feat that not many can say they have done. It is a testament to their love to see how they connected at every stop, her heart swelling a little more at each mile. That kind of pride cannot be explained. Watching your soul mate break down his body and push harder than he ever has before, mustering up every ounce of fortitude to finish though ever fiber wants to quit. Then seeing them succeed!! It is amazing. It was just awesome to be on this side watching their journey.
I've got to say, something struck me this race that changed something in me as well. It is something BBH and I were discussing on the way home. How life affirming it is to watch marathoners. It is just a perfect example of people pushing beyond what anyone ever said they could or should do, pushing beyond what they ever thought they were capable of. It is the ones in the back of the pack... the ones not worried about a time, or qualifying or placing... those guys they are the heart of the sport. They are the ones that make you want to get on the course yourself. They are the ones that make you want to be better. The "elite" runners are impressive, don't get me wrong, but they are doing what's expected of them. "Elite" runners run fast, so when you see them doing that, you say, "Well, yeah, they're elite runners." But the eighty year old woman running, or the over weight couple holding hands, the middle aged house wives, THEY are what it's about.
They are the ones that are defying what their roles are. They are the ones that are saying I CAN DO THIS. Their work, sweat, tears are what gives me the chills at the finish line. They are the ones that keep me running my little 3-4 miles, pushing, trying... inspired. The ones that sometimes refuse to call themselves "runners," much less marathoners. But, I can tell you this, I saw you guys, every single one of you that I clamped eyes on challenged my heart a little more that day. Every single one of you proved to me that the human spirit is one of the strongest things on the planet. It doesn't matter what you weigh, how old you are, what you do, if you have RA... any one of us when we get on the course can call ourselves "runners." And you all were sure that.... and also my heroes.
So, Mr. Eubanks, this post is for you... thank you for challenging my heart a little more on Sunday. Proving to me the strength we all possess. Watching you complete your first marathon was exactly the push I needed to call myself a runner too. Congrats to you! You are a marathoner!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)