Today, the boys and I got to spend a precious day with my Grams (the only lady in the world these kids call "Grandma.") She had asked us a few weeks ago if we'd take her to the Zoo. We go there so often, that she wanted what she called a visit to "OUR Zoo," meaning she wanted to experience it the way we experience it.
We picked her up and got to the Zoo gates just a few minutes after they opened, and got to spend the entire morning there enjoying the animals, the kids, the company before it got too terribly hot and crowded.
Some highlights:
-watching LC feed a stingray with his bare hands
-watching SC avoid a stingray with his bare hands
-feeding the lorikeets
-watching the primates
-visiting the baby elephant
-spending 3 uninterrupted quality hours with my Grandma
Some photo highlights:
trying to talk a bird in to a drink
pretty smooth LC
maybe a little too smooth??
checking out the tortoises
LC and Grams (I LOVE this picture)
LC and a really precious orangutan
by the time we got home, they were done in... I was too.
What an awesome day. Thanks Grams for the idea, for coming along, and for being just supremely fantastic! We love you bunches and bunches!
Once again today, I found myself mouth agape, eyes wide, in utter shock at something one of my children did. However, contrary to what you might think, and contrary to what happens most of the time to elicit that response from me, the moment of shock was quickly followed by complete joy, adoration and pride. Today, I watched my Larger Child perform in his school talent show.
Since probably mid September, LC had been talking about how he and his friends wanted to audition for the school talent show this year. They wanted to sing and dance... more specifically, they wanted to perform What Does the Fox Say (or as I think of it, the anthem for every single child this year between the ages of 6-10, OR the song that we all thought was hilarious the first five time we heard it, not necessarily the 105th time our children were singing it). When he first brought it up to me, I thought it was a cute idea, but I didn't really think much else. That is, until I found out nearly seven months later these kids were still focused on this goal and practicing at recess. I am not sure my LC has EVER had an interest in anything that long. So, I knew this was for real.
Audition day came. On the car ride home that day he wondered if they "made the cut." (Apparently elementary talent show judges panels are ruthless... who knew?!?!) The next day he found out that they did get a spot! This lead to the next three weeks practicing every recess and after school. These kids were focused, determined, and taking it very seriously.
I did my part shuttling back and forth to practice, I found the track, made a CD, I even made fox masks for them to perform in. (Thankfully, another parent took over the rest of the costumes, and oversaw the after school rehearsals.)
Then finally... Today was the day. Today was the parent's performance. I asked him this morning if he was nervous. He looked up at me, a little puzzled, and asked "About what?" I laughed, reminded him of the talent show, and he said, "Oh that? Naw, it's going to be fun!" All my worries, nerves, concerns, questions evaporated on the spot. I knew he was going to be great.
They were the opening act. So, after a brief intro from the emcees, LC's group filed on stage. He began the song in the background, humorously bobbing his head to the beat.... then, all of a sudden, when the chorus hit, he jumped to his mic, grabbed it with one hand and looked like a ROCKSTAR! He was ah-maze-ing!! I was totally floored!! In my head I thought, "OH MY GOSH! MY SON IS SUCH A BADASS!" I am just grateful I didn't say it out loud.
Seriously, I know I was a "performer" growing up. I did the dance recitals, I did the show choirs, but at eight years old I wouldn't have had that kind of confidence, charisma, or fearlessness. It was awesome. I just stood there, totally dumbstruck totally and profoundly full of pride for this child.
Yes, it was just a school talent show. Yes, it was just a silly song and dance with some friends, but to me it was an exhibition of self esteem. The display of a child who feels totally comfortable in his own skin, confident in his abilities, and unconcerned with the opinions of others. I have NO EARTHLY IDEA how he came to be that way, his father and I can ABSOLUTELY learn a thing or two from him... but regardless, there he was... being a badass. What a precious and stunning gift to witness. LC in all his Foxy glory.
Some things I learned on my Zoo Date with Smaller Child:
1. Don't tell SC we are going to the Zoo until the moment we walk out the door. I had to retrieve him from the garage twice.
2. Avoid the Zoo during the week near the end of May. I forgot about class field trips...
3. Smaller Child is terrified of grizzly bears. I am not sure what that is all about, maybe just an instinctual "that's bigger than me, and can eat me" feeling... I took this picture with him screaming in the background. We left the moment after.
4. SC loves bats. He could have stayed in the nocturnal animal barn the whole day.
5. According to SC, "Dis is a TURTLE not a WOCK!" Thanks for the clarification... but it's actually a tortoise, duh!
6. Everything with black spots is a cow. Everything. And don't you DARE correct him.
7. Little boys get stage fright when Mama has to hold them to reach the potty to pee.
8. You cannot visit the gorillas when you are eating lunch, because "Dey will steal my peanut butter sanwish!"
9. That "hairpane" is MUCH more interesting and exciting than the free roaming albino peacock right next to it.
I have been writing in a journal for my boys since I was three months pregnant with Larger Child. The first entry was May 8, 2005, on Mother's Day. I have continued to write an entry every Mother's Day, and on their birthdays each year.
My goal of this journal was to give my boys a window in to who their mama really is. I am honest... sometimes maybe too honest... about what is happening in our lives and what is happening in my heart and in my head. Though the goal was a glimpse in to me, the majority of the time the entries read more like a love letter... which in truth, is what it is.
I thought, for Mother's Day this year, I would share with you my entry. I think it is real, I think it is honest, and I think it is an expression of love from one mama to her incredible little men.
May 12, 2014
Yesterday was Mother's Day. My NINETH one to celebrate. Nearly a decade of mother-hood under my belt, and I don't feel any more prepared/knowledgeable/capable than the first.
I am in a strange place right now. I feel like I am crabby most of the time with you, and not giving either one of you the attention/kindness/nurturing you deserve or need. I have been really critical of you (and perhaps myself??) and often times disinterested. And frankly, there are times that I just hate myself for that.
I am noticing how much time, energy, and attention I place on rules. behavior, chores etc. and how little time I spend actually ENJOYING you two and having fun. I know I will regret this, I already do. Hopefully recognizing the defect will help me take the steps to correct it.
It seems like though, despite me, you two are growing to be charming, confident, intelligent little men! It is pretty amazing to see.
Jacob, you are about to finish second grade. You seem to have grown and matured this year more than I care to admit. Your confidence and personality are infectious, and your popularity amongst your classmates just proves that!
Elijah, you are one tough cookie! All boy, through and through. You have the BEST sense of humor, and are so full of life and energy. You cannot help but charm anyone you come in contact with!
I admire you both so much for your ability to be SO outgoing! I hope and pray that nothing changes that for you. Though, life has a way of trying to take those assets we have as children away from us. I only pray that your dad and I have shown you enough love and safety in your lives that you will always know you can be YOU no matter what.
Thank you both for being my reasons to continue to grow. By your very existence, you challenge me to define my values, learn who I do and who I don't want to be, and continue to strive for better for you, for me, and for our family.
What a gift you are!
I am not perfect, far from it... and you love me anyway.
I make mistakes, and tell you that... and you forgive.
I hope beyond hope that I have and will continue to keep showing you that same unconditional love you have selflessly showered upon me for nearly a decade.
