Thirteen Reasons

Today marks THIRTEEN years that Beautiful Not So Bald Now Husband and I have been married. THIRTEEN! (Take that,  those of you who made wagers on our wedding day... you know who you are.) So, in celebration of this wonderful man enduring me for a baker's dozen of years, I wanted to share with you thirteen things BNSBNH does that I adore, appreciate, and admire. (in no particular order)

1. He is the most incredible dad I know. It seems like even when he's exhausted, he musters up the energy to crawl around on the ground playing trucks, or listen intently to one more story about pokemon or minecraft. He does this gratefully and with a smile on his face. He has more patience with them than I can begin to understand, and more love and attentiveness than seems humanly possible. I watch him parent, and I am reminded to slow down, give them attention, and love like he loves. He is a living example of that saying "children are not a distraction to more important things, they are the most important things."

2. He will never hesitate or think twice about doing any and everything he can to save the day. The best example of this is when our house flooded a few years ago. The water was so deep that he couldn't even drive within a block of our house. He parked and waded/swam to us through poison oak and tick infested water to save us... without batting an eye.

3. He will gratefully and appreciatively eat anything I cook for dinner. He never complains, only compliments. (Except that one time, with the ricotta, lemon, pasta thingy... but that crap was inedible.)

4. When it comes to his family, he is incredibly self-sacrificing. He schedules his entire day around time with his family, making sure to put us first. He gets up BEFORE the crack of dawn to do the things he wants to do for him so it won't take time away from the family later.

5. He doesn't consider a date night a success until he has made me "loud laugh."

6. He doesn't let a day go by without telling me how pretty he thinks I am.

7. He is a lifelong learner. If he finds something that sparks his interest he will jump in to it. He devours new information and looks for more.

8. We have been together for a long long time, but yet we still TALK.... like REAL talks. He will open up to me. I know this is a rarity in men and in long term marriages. But, after all this time, I am still finding out new things about him, and that's pretty incredible.

9. He is incredibly patient and understanding with me. I have challenging days, I have a lot to learn still, and he is so forgiving, loving, and kind. We rarely ever fight anymore. We just have moments where one of the two of us is "off" and the other patiently waits with love for them to get back "on." After the ride we've had, that's a miracle all in itself.

10. He is an amazing provider for our family.  He works so very hard for us, and because of that we have the ability to keep our children in my care, and I don't have to work outside of the home. That is such a gift. But, beyond providing monetary stability, he also provides our family with a sense of safety and comfort. We all know without a doubt that he is always thinking of our best interest.

11. He is a great listener. We have learned how to communicate well with each other (most of the time). Because of this, he knows when he needs to listen and when he needs to provide advice or help. It is so nice to have such a willing and capable sounding board.

12. He has an uncanny ability to sense when I need a little extra help. He doesn't push, he just quietly and compassionately takes the weight off.

13. He's my best friend. I know this sounds corny. But, it is so so so true. My very favorite time of day is the hour after the kids go to bed where we can be together. I look forward to Friday night date nights like a kid does Christmas. I just thoroughly and truly ENJOY his company.

For all these things, and so many more, I want to say how much I appreciate this man, and how grateful and lucky I feel to have found him.  God truly blessed us. Happy Anniversary BNSBNH!! I love you more than I could ever say. Thank you for sharing your life with me!

-Lobster

 

Helplessness in the Fine

Okay friends, I know that I haven't been very "present" in the blogosphere lately.  Earlier, I posted a blog blaming this absence on the fact that our world is just crazy.  Busy, busy, busy.  While there may be a tiny bit of truth in that, I gotta say, that probably isn't the REAL reason why I haven't written a blog in two months. TWO MONTHS.

The truth is, my Mom has stage three breast cancer.

There it is. Right out there in black and white. You're probably wondering how on earth her illness could have anything to do with me writing or not writing. This blog has been my way of telling my friends and loved ones what is going on in my world. Sharing milestones, adorable photos, entertaining anecdotes, and occasionally waxing a little philosophic or uncovering personal revelations with you.  But this, this seemed all too personal, all too difficult to share. Several times I tried. I would set down at the keyboard and stare at the blinking light waiting for my keystrokes.... and nothing... nothing would come out. I had NO CLUE how to express or WHAT to express. I was (and still am) at a loss.

I know nearly everyone has their "cancer story." Some family member, loved one, or personal experience battling with this disease. I get that. I do... I know that most of you have been touched on some level by it. You know the fear, the frustration, the anger, the desperation that I have felt, and sometimes still feel. I know there would be no judgment, only love and support. I know this because it has already happened. There have been SO MANY PEOPLE who have prayed, shared, hugged, sent messages, sent hope, and my heart is full of your love. Truly.

But, the hardest part is the question, "How are YOU doing?"

See, the thing is, I am fine. That's the most frustrating and infuriating part of all of this. Physically, I am doing great. Spiritually, I feel sound. I have faith that everything is going to work out like it should. Mentally, I am doing okay. I check in often, keep up with the news on lab results, chemo schedules, side effects etc. But, see, that's the thing. Here I am, sitting here, 200 miles away, doing fine. While she is there... dealing with, fighting, struggling, enduring. I sometimes wish I wasn't "fine." I sometimes wish I could shoulder it with her. I'd take a chemo treatment for her in a heartbeat. If she could transfer her side effects to me, even for a week, I'd love to take them off her hands. I often wish I lived next door so I could do her laundry, cook her dinner, clean her house, bathe her dog, do her shopping. All of the things she THINKS she can do, but has no business doing. (I am her daughter... we are the same.) But. I. Can't. And it makes me so angry sometimes that I could scream!

Helplessness.

I do what I can. Send her messages, try to lift her spirits. Visit as often as I can. But, still... the helplessness... it's a heavy heavy feeling.

I have to remind myself that she's not alone. Daddy is probably the most attentive, caring, supportive, incredible husband on the planet. He has turned in to her own personal Superman. But, he can't do everything either. He's dealing with his own physical limitations at the moment. As much as he'd love to be Superman, he has to be Clark Kent more often than I'm sure he'd like.  And here I am, sitting, being "fine" and unable to do a damn thing.

Yes, unfortunately, I am sure you all have had your share of feeling the "helplessness in the fine." I know I need to let it go, trust God. Remember she is not alone. Remember how very STRONG and BRAVE she is. Because, above anything else, she has proven THAT for sure. You guys... this woman... she is AH-MAZE-ING. What she has went through, what she is going through... and yet, she still smiles, cuts a joke, wants to do for others. It blows my mind. She blows my mind. 

So, with that, I have to close my eyes, take a breath, and remember she's "fine" too. Maybe not in the same sense of the word, but in the sense that she is protected and guided by God, just like me, that she is strong, and faithful, and brave, just like me, and she will continue to be fine, just like me... after all she is my mom, we are the same.

August and September, or Why I Haven't Been Blogging

August and September are gone. However, I am not sure where they went. I blinked, and they were over. Crazy how that works sometimes.... but, I am going to do my best to recap where that blurry flash of time went, and how we spent it.

The beginning of August means the end of summer break, and getting our last hurrah in before the grind of the life academic came rolling back in. We made one more visit to our furry, feathered, and scaled friends at the Zoo, finished up swim lessons, and spent some time learning and exploring with our friend, Gena at the Science museum, and went swimming in her pool.

August also meant back to school shopping, buying backpacks and supplies and, of course... the first day of school.

Larger Child began THIRD GRADE. He is a professional "first day of schooler" now. No problems, no hang-ups. Full of self confidence and excitement, he headed off to his day with a smile on his face and cheer in his heart.

Then, two weeks later, Smaller Child began Mother's Day Out.  He had asked me every day since Big Bro started, "Do I get to go to school today??" So, I hoped he would be just as eager and excited when I finally got to answer that question with a resounding, "YES!" The morning came, we got LC off to school, then we came home and I began packing his backpack. He was STOKED! The whole way there he was chatty and full of questions. But, the one that came up the most often was, "Are you going to leave me there?" I was hesitant to answer, concerned by his reaction. I reassured him that I would ALWAYS come back, that he would have so much fun, and I would be there later to pick him back up.

We got to the school, and he took the long walk up the stairs.  There was just something so precious and symbolic about his tentative steps. Climbing, insisting to do it on his own, up up up to his new adventure and incredible chapter in his life. It was pretty amazing to watch him. It was one of those moments where I got that teeny bit of reassurance in an otherwise crazy mind plagued with constant and incessant mom guilt, where I watched him take those steps with confidence and excitement and I could honestly say "I think we're doing okay."

      

 Then we got to the classroom, he saw his teacher, found his name on the apple tree, took a seat at the table, and gave me this look... I cannot even describe it. It was the look of reassurance for ME I think. He hugged and kissed me and he was ready for me to go (as long as his trusty BFF doggie pal, Nelson, stayed with him)! And then I did.

I didn't fall apart in the car like I did when I dropped LC off at his first day of Mother's Day Out many moons ago. I just smiled and walked out. I knew this was going to be amazing for him. (and for me too, frankly. ha!) But, above everything else, I knew he was going to do just fine. He is such a strong, independent, incredible little human, sometimes much to my chagrin.

That brings us to September... We got in the swing of our new routines, got use to going to bed early, getting up early, and the rush rush of our days. So, of course, it was time to mix it up a little. LC, who is already a green belt, went back to Taekwondo in September, and for the first time SC went too! Can I just tell you how adorable it is to see a three year old learn how to do sit ups and push ups? It really doesn't get much cuter than that, folks. Bonus, he LOVES it too!

Well, that's the jest of it. Between school, taekwondo, homework, and all the rest of the day to days to keep up with, August and September have been a blur of car rides and chaos. It does seem that things are falling in to a routine now though. (Maybe time for another mix up?? though I think the upcoming holidays will do that for me just fine.) Time to usher in October, fall, pumpkins, costumes, candy, trick or treating... when does this slow down? I'm estimating a good 20 years at least. That's okay, we've got this!

The Power of Coffee

I had some lab work that needed to be done at the doctor, which means early morning rises, and more importantly morning fasting.  Now, I usually am not a huge fan of breakfast, but coffee... I am a slave to those dark roasted beans and delicious delicious caffeine.  When you drink a cup every morning, it just becomes part of your routine.  It isn't until this routine is disturbed that I realize just how dependent I am on it.

The morning was rough, but I managed to get myself and my two boys around and out of the house. I also managed to pry my eyes open enough to drive to the doc.  I am also fairly certain that I didn't cause anyone any bodily harm in the process. I was even somewhat cogitative and polite to the staff at the doctor's office.  I got my blood drawn, and we left, and my only thought, coffee...

Do not pass go, do not collect $200, go directly to Starbucks.

Unfortunately, I got there and the line... oh my goodness, the line... it was backed out in to the street, and it took some serious maneuvering and patience to even get in to the parking lot to even consider a method of entering the drive through line.

The headache was beginning, the children's voices from the backseat were grating, my grip on the steering wheel was tightening, but I dutifully took my place to appease the caffeine gods, and shell out whatever money they asked me (grumbling the whole time) to sacrifice as a slave to the dark roast bliss.

That's when I noticed a car in the street, waiting to enter the cue. 

I hesitated. Part of me wanted to line drive my way to the front of the line, ignoring every casualty along the way. But then, there was the other part of me, that part that has learned even when I don't want to, it is important to think of others... and that voice that can be so irritating at times, (and frankly really put me out) was a little bit louder than the desperation for relief, and I found myself raising my hand and waving the man in the car in the street ahead of me to enter the line.

And that was that...

After what seemed like an eternity, I finally found myself at the window receiving my cup. That was when the barista stuck her head out of the drive through window and said, "You are a good Samaritan. The gentleman in front of you was so grateful for you letting him in that he paid for your coffee."

"REALLY???  Oh my gosh!!! How sweet!!!" I looked up to wave a thanks, but he was gone.

I know it is not much, and I know that we hear stories all the time about this sort of thing happening, but I think it is important for us all to remember. I know that having to wait a few hours for coffee, and waiting in a line at an overpriced coffee shop are certainly "first world problems" but....

It got me thinking about all the times that I have that little internal argument. What I want, verses what God wants.  What will help ME, versus what will help OTHERS.  All too often, it is the selfish voice that seems to speak just a little bit louder shutting the other out. It's unfortunate, but it's the truth.

But today, today, there were two strangers both with the same "me oriented" goals, who thought for just one tiny moment about someone else, and it changed my whole outlook for the day. It was as simple as a hand wave, or shelling out the extra five bucks, but it wasn't the act itself, it was the THOGHT behind it.

I believe every time we give that little voice, that tiny kernel of God in our heads the attention, every time we let it win over our selfish thoughts, that voice gets louder... God grows in us. Yes, it is simple. Yes, it is probably a very trivial example. But that is what most of life is made up of, the small and simple moments when we get to chose to do something different... something good.

So, here's to you fellow coffee lover and good Samaritan! Thank you for the joe, but more importantly, thank you for reminding me of the power of good, and the power of God.

"Construsken" Party

Our Little Man turned THREE a week ago today! THREE WHOLE YEARS has gone by since this incredible child came into our lives.  Sometimes it floors me how fast time is wizzing by.  Other times, I barely remember life before SC was here. 

Here's the breakdown of our Tiny Tot as of now:
He is 3foot 41/2 inches tall.
He weighs anywhere between 33-36 lbs depending on the day (and what I cooked for dinner.)
80th percentile for weight, and 95th percentile for height
At the moment he's sporting his summer buzz cut, usually in shorts (or just his undies) and a tshirt.
His best friend is probably a tie between his bubba and his blue dog, Nelson. 
He likes to swing, slide, jump on the trampoline, "work out with Daddy," and watch tv.
His favorite show is Paw Patrol.
Favorite food: pretty much anything made out of bread, cheese, or sugar. (Real health nut, that one.)
His favorite of the favorites, TRUCKS! He LOOOOVES trucks, or well, anything with four wheels really... but he super duuuuper mondo huge-o loves construction trucks and tractors.

This is why we decided to throw him a construction (or as he calls it, "construsken") themed party!
Here's some highlights:

I themed the snacks to the party.

B(NSB)H provided and applied all of the caution tape and flags.

Fuleing station "Gasoline"

Drill bits, boulders, spare tires, lumber, nuts and bolts, spackle and dry wall, tool box, and traffic cones.

luckily SC had enough toys to spare

Grandpa Carl provided all of the street signs and traffic cones.

hard hat area

I mean seriously... how cool is that??

Daddy and Bubba

B(NSB)H even wrapped  all of the kitchen cabinets

parent selfie. (we were whooped)

the ONLY pic I got of the BDAY boy in a hat

caution tape everywhere... everywhere

our happy SC

It was a super fun day! Thank you to everyone who came, and HUGE HUGE HUGE thanks to my amazing husband for taking the lead on décor, and my bff Gena T for coming early to decorate, and for being... you know... awesome! I love you both to teeny weeny pieces.

And, SC... you, my darling Chicken Pants, are one INCREDIBLE little human being. You make my heart soar. Thank you for filling our lives with smiles, laughter, some challenges... I'm not gonna lie!... and SO SO SO much LOVE! What a blessing you are! I sure hope you loved your party, we loved giving it to you!

Camping (Almost)

It was a rare occasion when I glanced at the calendar on a Thursday afternoon, and realized that no one in our family had any sort of plans for the weekend. I immediately texted my Beautiful (not so bald anymore) Husband and asked him if he wanted to take advantage of the free weekend and take the kids camping. He was as eager and excited as I was, so I started making plans. 

It was the first time we had taken both the boys on an overnight camping trip. Larger Child had come with us a few times, and had recently just returned from a tent camping trip with his grandpa.  You might say he was a seasoned camper.  Smaller Child on the other hand, had never slept outside in a tent, he hasn't really even spent much time outside after dark period.  But, we hoped for the best and hit the road. 

We got out early, like before dawn early, and made it to the Chickasaw National Recreation Area by 8am.  After quite a bit of driving around, we finally found a spot that was secluded, alone, and lovely.  We set up camp, scoped out the surroundings, and made ourselves at home. The boys both took to the outdoors almost instantly. 

We took a walk to the lake, skipped some rocks, avoided a couple huge fire ant hills, and started a fire. The weather was gorgeous, intermittent clouds, a few sprinkles, but not too hot or humid.  We spent a good chunk of the day lounging at the campsite, SC and I playing on a blanket on the ground, and LC and B(NS)BH whittling together. LC picked up on knife etiquette quickly and comment several times on how "grown up" he felt.

We made sandwiches for lunch, hotdogs for dinner, and s'mores for dessert. We took a trip to the Nature Center, met a park ranger, and had several visits at our campsite by a not so shy fox.

It was one of those days that was just so good that you catch yourself in the middle of it thinking, "This is it, this right here. This is what it's all about." A picture perfect day. 

Then the sun went down.
We went in the tent, and began to get ready for bed when SC began saying, "I want to go home." I think he thought that since it was bed time, we should be heading back to the house... he didn't understand, no matter how much we tried to explain it to him, that we were going to be sleeping there that night.  We finally got him in the bed, and we were all tucked in.  That's when the realization of the heat set in.  It was HOT.  SC refused to take off his blanket, and he was sweaty.  The boys had a hard time sharing a bed, and B(NS)BH and I had a hard time keeping our cool in the exhaustion, heat, and discomfort of it all.  B(NS)BH kept turning to me and saying, "We could be home in two hours..." I argued that we didn't have enough light to break down camp, and that we would all settle down soon. 

Nearly three miserable hours later SC was now in hysterics.  He was crying so much he was about to throw up, and his parents were losing it trying to get him to be quiet to not disturb the surrounding campers. LC began feeding off the tension. It got ugly, fast. 

All of this resulted in:
1 child in a full blown panic attack
1 child unable to catch his breath and choking on bile
1 parent taking 1 child to the outhouse bathroom for explosive midnight diarrhea
1 parent breaking down camp in the pitch black
1 child sitting on an ice chest in the dark for nearly an hour while that parent broke down camp
4 people in a car at two in the morning
2 children asleep in the back seat within five minutes
5,327 bugs in the car with us while we drove for two hours
20 bug bites on Mama
3 ticks spread out amongst three people

One of the very best and very worst camping trips ever.  But, one hellova story.

Day With Grams

Today, the boys and I got to spend a precious day with my Grams (the only lady in the world these kids call "Grandma.") She had asked us a few weeks ago if we'd take her to the Zoo. We go there so often, that she wanted what she called a visit to "OUR Zoo," meaning she wanted to experience it the way we experience it.

We picked her up and got to the Zoo gates just a few minutes after they opened, and got to spend the entire morning there enjoying the animals, the kids, the company before it got too terribly hot and crowded.

Some highlights:
-watching LC feed a stingray with his bare hands
-watching SC avoid a stingray with his bare hands
-feeding the lorikeets
-watching the primates
-visiting the baby elephant
-spending 3 uninterrupted quality hours with my Grandma

Some photo highlights:

trying to talk a bird in to a drink

pretty smooth LC

maybe a little too smooth??

checking out the tortoises

LC and Grams (I LOVE this picture)

LC and a really precious orangutan

by the time we got home, they were done in... I was too.

What an awesome day. Thanks Grams for the idea, for coming along, and for being just supremely fantastic! We love you bunches and bunches!