That was thirteen years ago.
Not a lot has changed in the feeling...
To think of the years, sometimes I cannot believe it has been that long, but then other times I don't remember what life was like without him in it. I do know one thing, with every passing year, I see more clearly how grateful I am that our paths crossed those zillion years ago, how lucky I am that he has chosen to spend his life with me, and how blessed our lives have been.
Our life is not perfect, it is far from perfect. But it is beautiful in its imperfection. We learn and grow with one another. We have learned that some of the best lessons in life come from hardship, and through the years we have had our share of that! But, the thing is, we learned the lessons, or at least as best as we could at the time. We grew from those times, and our love grew with it. Now, I am fairly certain that there isn't anything too big to face if he is by my side.
There are a few things that we have learned in particular that have been the backbone of our strength... they center around respect. Respect for one another, not taking each other for granted, listening, allowing emotions and thoughts to be expressed freely, support, understanding, tolerance, acceptance, these are all values we hold high. It took us a long while to get to this place where we hold these as qualities we cherish, and it took lots of lessons, trial and error to see how important they are. We have had to re-learn how to talk to one another, trying our hardest to not "mean play" and speak words of kindness and respect. We had to learn how to listen, and express ourselves in a calm, rational and respectful manner. These things were not familiar to us, they had to be learned and re-learned... and we are still a work in progress... but we are getting there.
When you have been with someone as long as we have been, it seems like it could be easy to fall in to a sense of apathy... but somehow, by the Grace of God, we have managed to not fall pray to this. Our feelings and love seem to ignite just like they did thirteen years ago. He can still give me butterflies, he can still surprise me, impress me, and sweep me off my feet. But, beyond the fact that he CAN do this, he DOES. I pray that I can still occasionally do the same for him as well.
But, with all these strong, fun feelings, there is another layer. A feeling of familiarity, of closeness, of comfort and security... this is something you really can only get with time and proof. I know his mannerisms, I know what makes him tick... and as much as he'd like to say that women are too hard to figure out, I know for a fact that he knows mine too. We can anticipate feelings, thoughts and actions, because we have been around each other so long, we know. We can calm, love, adore, and amuse without a word.
I will never doubt that if I come to him with a problem, he will support me in any way he can. I know that if I ever express an idea or emotion, he will never intentionally put me down or disregard it. He is there, unconditional, just as I am for him.
I never knew that there would be someone in this world that I can completely and wholeheartedly be myself with. I didn't realize when I married him that not only was I getting a spouse and lover, but also a partner and best friend. That is certainly what he is, and then some. And I try to remember this, to show him this, to express this in my actions and words to him, though in this, I am afraid I fail more often than I'd care to admit.
That man of mine, that BBH, he's got me Twitterpated alright. Twitterpated for Thirteen years and counting!
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