Raising Superheroes

I was having a conversation with my Larger Child the other day about building reputations. He had just got sent to his room for being particularly hateful towards his little brother.  I was talking with him about how the decisions and patterns he sets up now with his little brother are going to shape their relationship and friendship as they grow older. I was explaining that his brother is going to be in his life for the rest of his life, and by his actions and decisions, he has the power to create a life long best friend or a life long enemy. 

LC told me that it can be frustrating because when he decides to be nice to Little Bro, SC doesn't want to have anything to do with him. I asked him if he would want to hug a cactus either.  He looked at me puzzled.  I realized then that I was going to have to go at this from a different angle. I asked him to give me the name of a villain. He said The Joker.  So, I said, "Okay, say if the Joker came to the door and asked you if you wanted to go get ice cream.  Would you go with him? Would you trust that he really wanted to just take you out and treat you nice? Or would you, based on every other experience you've had with the Joker, and everything you've learned about him to this point, expect that he would probably be tricking you and in reality doing something mean?"  He laughed and said that he would never go with the Joker, he would "punch his lights out!" I replied, "Exactly!"

Again the puzzled look.

I then tied it in to what we were talking about.  I told LC that he has been picking on his brother so long now, that Little Bro expects nothing nice.  He looks at you like the Joker.  (I should point out that this probably wasn't the BEST thing to say to my hyper sensitive child... but by the broken hearted look on his face, I think he got the point.) I then quickly added, NOW it's your job to change his mind and be his BATMAN.   It might take some time for him to build trust, but if you keep being the superhero and not the villain you will change how he sees you and in turn he will change how he acts with you.

I've got to say this was one of my better parenting conversations.  I am not sure how much it stuck with him, but I am still reminding him to be Batman not the Joker, and he gets it instantly. So, maybe more than I think.

But, one unexpected result of this conversation was getting my gears and cogs turning. I have been thinking a lot about villains, superheroes, and superpowers lately. I am 100% convinced that every parent of small children on the planet is raising a tiny equivalent to a Marvel character.  Each and every one of our children have special powers and gifts.  It is our jobs as parents to help them uncover these gifts.  But, more importantly than that, it is our job to help to point those powers and gifts towards good.  Help these little ones become the superheroes they were meant to be.