As made wildly apparent by previous posts, I like to craft. More specifically, I like to crochet. In recent years, I have found a new form of crochet called "amigurumi," which is the Japanese art of knitting or crocheting stuffed toys. I love it. I started simple. I was making knit squares that I would sew together like pillows and stuff. I would then attach arms, legs, eyes, hair, etc. and make little critters. They looked very similar to the Ugly Doll you may have seen in stores. Then, I began messing around with shapes and sizes. I figured out how to make spheres, cylinders etc... and then the imagination took off.
These days it is rare for a day to go by that I don't start or complete some sort of stuffed critter. I have made one for most of my family, most of my friends, and started stock piling them in my craft room. Yarn and poly-fill have become staples in my house along with eggs, bread, and milk. Anytime I would give one away, they always were received with the greatest compliments, then the repeated phrase, "You should really start selling these."
But, for some reason, I would always brush them off, saying "Oh no! then it would be a "job." I do this for fun!" Sounded good, right? Sounded very altruistic. It was a load of crap.
The truth of the matter is, there was a part of me that thought if I was giving you something as a gift, you had no right to judge it. You couldn't pick it apart, see the dropped stitches, condemn the color choices, point out it's lopsidedness etc. You would just accept it and cherish it as the gift it was. However, if you were to commission it, if you were to pay for the exact same item, then you would have the right to do all of that. You could judge it's merits, quality, construction, and I would be opening myself up to that judgment.
I was not ready for that. There is a part of me, for whatever reason, who's that tiny little girl thinking she's not good enough. That what she does is not good enough. That what she creates will be ridiculed. There has been nothing in my history to make me feel that way. There is no one event that I can point to and say, "There. Right there is when I felt less than." Regardless, it is a part of me. But it is a part of me that I recognize now, and am willing to be uncomfortable enough to stretch and grow past it.
I was reminded by a beautiful soul that while I may be opening myself up to judgment, who's to say the judges will have negative things to say? It is just as likely that I will be met with compliment as criticism, and perhaps even more so, because I do have talent there. As uncomfortable as it is for me to admit it, she is right.
So, I gained some humility. Learning that humility is neither thinking you are greater than nor less than, but an understanding of who you are. I gained some self confidence. I took the leap and put myself out there.
I opened an Etsy shop, and in the process I gained some self worth.
https://www.etsy.com/shop/TheLivelyLadybug?ref=si_shop
